An Open Letter To Judgmental People: Looking Down On Married Women With Children

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It’s very unfortunate that this is an issue.

 

cute baby with hand in mouth

photo: Flickr, lindsayshaver

Let me start by saying that there are plenty of things that I don’t do in my life and rules that I don’t personally live by, however, I would never judge others who do. We all live our own lives, have our own beliefs, preferences, and ways that we go about our existence on this earth.

With that being said, it’s quite disheartening to read an opinion post by Amy Glass (I have no idea who she is) entitled “I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry“. In short, Glass says that women who get married and have kids stay “inside the box” by doing so and have no time or energy to do any “real work”, therefore doing nothing of any merit. She is asserting that anyone can get married, anyone can have kids, and doing these things are very average and prevent a woman from being exceptional. I respect the fact that everyone has an opinion, but why shame others and put them down because the way THEY live is not YOUR choice? So these people are less adequate, less accomplished, and can’t be exceptional people? It’s very sad to know that we have such shallow people on this earth.

 

Glass is a self-proclaimed feminist, who looks down on other women for their own life choices. That doesn’t add up. Don’t you just love closed minded people who generalize an entire group of people? Read her article, then read my response…

 

As someone who has both been a married stay at home mom, and now a working mom, I can speak to this with knowledge of both sides. I am married with two children. I currently have two jobs, one being a career that I love, a college degree, and a great social life with awesome friends. I have met and interviewed many celebrities, and have traveled many parts of the world. NONE of this compares to the life of a stay at home mom. I went back to work for financial reasons, and i’d jump at the chance to be a SAHM again. And i’d still work the career that I enjoy, still travel the world, and make a difference. I do agree that it is a demanding life choice, but it is definitely the most rewarding. It is very clear that you have no idea what it takes to be a mom, at that, a stay at home mom, yet you’re able to reduce these women as just “average”. Do you call yourself above average, or below? [don't ask me what I'd call her]

 

You sure have a lot to say about this for someone who has never been in the situation at hand. You “look down” on hundreds of thousand of women for choosing to take care of their families and households instead of backpacking through Asia, getting a promotion, or landing a dream job. And how do you know that the mom who chooses to stay at home and spend the short years she has with her children is not her dream job? You have no problem degrading a group of women who aren’t, according to you, doing anything for themselves because their life milestones do not line up with yours. It’s so easy to get married and have a kid, right? Tell that to the millions of divorced couples who couldn’t make it work, infertile couples who have been looking to conceive a child for years, and those who dream of this life every day.

 

Amy Glass, and all of you other judgmental people, stop generalizing young stay at home moms into one, mundane, unaccomplished category. I know plenty and there is a chance that they might be far more accomplished than you. If you think that we’re being applauded for doing ‘nothing’, and that being a wife, mother and running a household is not work, you have much to learn. I welcome you to jump off of your high horse, join the rest of our society, and take these comments into consideration:

 

- Your validation as a successful person in society is just that: YOUR validation. It seems as though you expect this of others as well, and if they are not following suit, their lives must be mundane and worthless.

- How could anyone live a fulfilling life as a stay at home mother? Consider the fact that people can be happy and feel accomplished by doing things that YOU don’t agree with.

- Men (all of the ones I know) do believe that managing a household is important. Why do you think they provide and contribute to their household in different ways? Working. Mowing the lawn. Home repairs. Finances. And most of all, being the bread winner. Let’s be realistic… no matter how hard things might be for a man, this is just not something that they talk about.

- Housework vs. Real Work… you sound quite naive. This comparison is pretty bad,  one must understand that housework a very small fraction of a stay at home moms job. You classify ‘real work’ as that of a doctor or engineer. Who raised those people, Amy?

- Everyone is different. There’s no way around it. Have an opinion, but keep it at that. How would you feel if all of the mothers on this planet judged you for not having a husband and children of your own? Judging people for their life choices doesn’t do anything for you. Let people do what they want and choose what works for them, and shut up about it!

 

So don’t look down on us stay at home moms. We’re just raising the next generation of humans while simultaneously living our own lives, no biggie. Worry about yourself.

 

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Comments

  1. Vickie Brown says:

    Well said! I wonder what she must think of all the stay at home dads out there? Are they wasting their lives and talents by deciding to devote their fulltime energy to raising the next generation of humans who will inherit and lead society into the future? Or does that criticism only apply to women? I think it’s pure nonsense, meant to stir unrest and gain more attention for her publications. Mothers and fathers, working or stay-at-home full time all play a vital role in their children’s lives. To say that one is more important than the other is to completely miss the value of parents in a child’s life. Mothers who must return to work for financial reasons feel guilty enough about having to do so without having their stay-at-home counterparts snub them at the few PTA meetings they’re able to get time off work to attend. Mothers and fathers who opt to stay at home and make raising and educating their children a fulltime career have to keep explaining and justifying their choice to leave the professional world behind. Wasn’t feminism supposed to be about women being able to make their own decisions and choices in life? Seems to me that Ms. Glass does not truly embrace the spirit of feminism if she feels that the only acceptible model for motherhood is the one she employs. I can only say that I am very sad for her children, who will grow up with a narrow, bigoted view of a woman’s role in society. Doesn’t that sound like backwards progress?

  2. I would like to point out one major flaw in that wackadoo’s logic: Not everyone can have kids.

    Furthermore, some people must have kids. (1) Negative birth rates are negatively affect the population, and, (2) if people stopped having kids, the human species would die out.

  3. Very well said, Deanna!

  4. I read that article and drew the conclusion that she must be trying to get a numbers bump. ..it’s the only logical explanation for such sexist ignorance. How on earth could anyone actually hold such a view? I totally want to slap her!
    I couldn’t muster the self-control to refrain from a profanity filled or semi-tactful response..yours was perfect.

    • I agree that Amy Glass’ piece had to be an attempt to get a numbers bump. It was just too ridiculous otherwise. Sheesh. Thanks to Deanna for responding.

    • Thanks. Good job on the profanity restraint! Can’t let people like this get to you, i’s just good to clear the air for people who have NO IDEA what they’re talking about.

    • I agree, I read her article and hope that one day she changes her mind after she has kids.

      It is hard to be a working mother, been there done that have the t-shirt. I remember shortly after I had my youngest son that my husband just got a new job and he didn’t have any paid time off, so when my baby was sick guess who had to step up. ME because I am mom and I had time off to spare. One day I got called into the bosses offices, because I all of a sudden started calling in too much. DUH, I had a sick baby and notes to prove it. Of course my bosses were both male and guess what I am sure their wives dealt with the sick babies while they had the opportunity to go off to work while their wives were busy caring for sick babies, cleaning up puke, and giving medication. This post irritates me on all levels.

      I am not a stay at home mom, not by choice, but I am medically disabled. My youngest has to stay home with me because I can’t afford to put him in daycare. I suck at being a stay at home mom but I love being there for my children.

  5. Thanks for this. You kinda rock :D

  6. Preach!

  7. Paula Lee says:

    Well said!

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